how strange it is to be anything at all

What's the point in anything? What do you really want? Lately I've been trying to answer these questions for myself. For so long all I wanted was some kind of contentment with my life, I was certain there was no hope for that here. I believed that my happiness could be found somewhere else far away from home and from everything I've ever known. I left and found that wasn't true at all. I moved, came back, and went through a stage of deep depression. I couldn't find a reason to stay alive anymore, I was completely lost. I had lived eighteen years thinking I'd find happiness in a one way ticket and then realized that wasn't how it worked.

I went through a unique phase of my life after coming back, I found that my leaving had a purpose. I was never truly ready to leave in the first place and now I had a new found love for my hometown. The next year that followed after my return was an incredible journey of self-discovery.  I made new friends, lost friends, fell in love, fell out of love, went through heartbreak, suffered from bouts of uncontrollable sadness to the point that I went to the hospital and spent a week in intensive therapy. All during which I questioned the point of everything, what's the point in any of this? What's the purpose in this pain?

We set out on a voyage even when we're so young as children to figure out the reason for our existence. We're asked what we want to be when we grow up, where we want to live, how many kids we want, if we want to get married when we're older, etc., etc. We're taught that that's our purpose, that we need to go to college, get 'real' jobs and then find our soul mate, get married, and have children of our own who will then set out to do all of the same. But in the midst of it all, no one teaches us about happiness.

Rarely does anyone ask us when we're kids what makes us happy, rarely at all does anyone ask anyone what makes them happy. Everyone is so set on doing what they think they need to instead of living and discovering their own purpose. What's so crazy is we can do whatever we want to, it's like your parents always told you, you can do whatever you set your mind to, its just that no one ever really does. Instead, being creatures of comfort, we think of the most successful job we're capable of attaining, the job that will make us the most money so we can be at what we think will be 'ease' but it never lasts long.

What if life isn't all about comfort and doing what everyone else is doing? We go through all of this pain and what for? Just to continue to be unhappy? Life is so simple but it's so hard. We're all on our own trip, figuring it out, trying to grasp the point of our existence. Maybe we'll never really understand it but the moments I live for are the ones where even for just a little bit I feel that I suddenly get why life is worth living.

Happiness will never be something that happens overnight, it's not found in simply moving or finding love. It's something that you have to go through on your own, it's learning self-acceptance, passion, it's seeing the world we live in. It's something easy that takes its time.

how to love yourself (selfies included)

Loving yourself is important especially in a world full of rude and insulting yet insecure people. It's all a depressing cycle of passed on negativity because hardly anyone knows how to handle hurt themselves so instead they generate it as hate and share it amongst others which only continues to create a line of sad beings. The one thing you can do to help yourself and others is to remember that life is simple, we tend to complicate the process but all that matters is you doing your best and enjoying the hell out of every moment. And since life is really so simple, (the sun goes down, we sleep, the sun comes up, we wake up, that's really it) why continue to be hard on yourself? You're great, you know you are and the only reason you might feel not so great is because of the way people think they make you feel or feel about you.

We're a generation of over thinkers, we think way too much and we're emotional. We think everyone hates us but it's just our built up insecurities over reacting to the response we feel we're receiving. No one rarely ever goes on about how absolutely great someone is and rarely ever does someone go on shit talking about someone they know actual shit about. Either way, the lesson is don't take shit personally from someone that doesn't know shit about you. Not everyone's going to kiss your ass all the time and everyone doesn't hate you either. 

 Loving yourself means not allowing yourself anything less than what you know you deserve. Stand up for yourself, give everything your all and never give up. People will suck a lot out of you, they'll take your confidence and they'll blow down your courage but you have to never let yourself stay down. Remember who you are, what you stand for and don't ever forget how great you are. I'm a proud believer in selfies to help remind you how cute you are. You're an amazing person and life is hard because we make it hard but it'll all be okay! Remember today to learn to love yourself and tomorrow to spread love to someone else. Break the cycle of insecurity, negativity, and sadness!