You.

I genuinely feel like you are so sweet? But I think that maybe now I'm worried about you. I feel like there's been a cloud surrounding you and I can no longer reach you the way I once could. You're drifting and I don't know where. I can't figure it out either. Are you okay? I've been wondering the same about myself until I realized it's because of the connection I had with you. When you're not alright, well, I find myself not feeling alright either. 

Some things just haven't been okay. I'm stuck feeling like a temporary soul sitting around in this waiting room of a town. There's not much to do here and from the boredom I can tell that I'm finally becoming the kind of anxious that could drive a person up the wall. There's work, there's laying around, there's getting so drunk that all we do is fight and there's the great outdoors that only leaves me wondering when the last time will be that I'll see your doors closing. I wonder, I wonder, I wonder so much and I had so much hope and now I don't know what it is that's left. It's probably just me realizing that there isn't much I can do, not on my own and not with you. I thought I found the beautiful connection of finding someone just as lost as I was, with the lovely idea that maybe we can both be found together but now all there was to discover was that you're more lost than me. I can't go further into the dark just in hopes of pulling you out, especially not for a person who won't appreciate the venture and energy of going so far. 

I just think ( I think so much) that love is never really the answer. There's always this excitement and it comes and it goes and it comes and it goes until one day it finally goes. But I know my worth and I know I'm worth so much more. If you're wondering why I'm so upset it's because that was always my initial feeling. I loved you so much but one always knows what they want, what they really need and we are constantly searching for those things and every new day comes with realizing what we have doesn't match up to what it is we want. Spending too many days already let down, too hung up, too saddened by the past to only spend yet another day let down. I just don't think you're a person like that. You seem like a big child, one whose thoughts don't hold too much complexity, one whose wants are either easy to reach and whose dreams seem either simple or silly. But you'd think there'd be more? There really should be and maybe it's because you've been handed so much?  When I think about you now you feel like an empty vessel. And it's scary because I see those around you start to see the same. There's just not much to you anymore. I constantly say I cannot understand you, that I think I never really will and this rings true. I can't wrap my head around any other fact except that this I know is true: baby, you're just a goddamn idiot. And I love you but I'm just fucking worried about you. Because I think something's wrong and there's something wrong with me too. 

As much as I love you, I don't know anymore and here we go again..