before I sleep zz

I'm writing because I'm already having a terrible time with the coming week. It's Sunday, I'm hung over and still coming down from the weekend. I've been confused since noticing that I've been feeling both very happy and very sad all too close together.

I know that I suffer from over thinking. I care too much about people. I cry for people I've never even talked to. I feel so much pain for everyone and it won't stop. I care too much, I wish I didn't care at all.

While I care all too much I can't stop this little bit of disgust that's creeped into my mind and now it's growing and I can't stop it. I'm suddenly beginning to grow tired of those around me. Once so happy now I'm so done and I'm too young to be so done. I've gone from wanting to run away to thinking this is simply all that will ever be, regardless of where I am. This is truly it, I've experienced it all and I'm tired.

I'm tired of people living carelessly, I'm tired of the same things, the same places, the same people and the same bullshit.  I want to feel awake and happy again, I want to remember what it feels like to be excited. I just can't find it within me these past few days.. I suppose I'm simply exhausted from existing.

I'd love to think positively and I'm trying, because in the midst of the sadness drowning my mind, I also know that life shouldn't be this much of a drag. The mind loves to cause us to suffer needlessly, happiness is something we all seek and it's a fucking journey. It's just that this feeling lately is one I'm having a hard time shaking. It's like it's clouded me completely and I know it'll take some time to work myself out again.

Self-care is important, it's why I've decided because of this to go back to therapy. The last thing I want to do is bring others down with me and ruin more Friday nights by crying myself to sleep.

Xx 

 I love you all

Zz