sleeplessness

 I'll never forget being in bed at a care home I stayed in back in June and crying and crying over things that had happened to me months before. At the time they passed over me as if it was nothing at all and then months later, laying in bed, everything hit me at once like a wave that once washed over me was now holding me down and drowning me but it felt beautiful. To let everything out, to feel everything at once was so therapeutic. So necessary, how could I move on if I didn't know how to let go and focus on the now? 

And now, months later I've been coming to terms with how much i internalize my issues. I can be fine and I can be very sad, it seems very back and forth but the reason is because one mood is blissful ignorance and the other is me facing what I've been trying not to. It isn't me being a mess, or crazy, it's simply me not knowing how to care for myself properly at least not yet.

Self-care is the most important part of not only recovery but living a happy and healthy life. Mental and emotional stability is an absolute requirement for having good relationships, doing good at work/ or at school. You have to know what you need and when you need it. 

To me, the concept self care is simple. Know your background, know what has worked for you and what hasn't. Learn from not only your life but others and  take each lesson to heart. ( For example, if your parents are addicts or alcoholics, learn from them and try to steer away from repeating their mistakes. ) 

 

What I know I need right now is this, to accept the present, to spend time with myself more often and to love myself.  I so frequently stress about everything, I overthink every aspect of my life and accepting the present means letting go of the past and living simply for and in the now. Not worrying about what will or could happen, the only moment we can control is right now.

To make sure I stop the process of internalizing I must spend more time alone, or with family or a therapist. Those who are there for me 100%. Either that or alone. How else can you effectively process and think about your life for yourself if you are never alone? You can't. Your emotions and opinion will be effected by others if you are constantly with people, it's inevitable. I need to know who I am, what I want and what I need. What I need is stability from myself , I need to be able to be a whole on my own. Not two halves to a whole, I am all I will ever have and that is a guaranteed promise. We are all we can rely on for the rest of our lives, it'll be our time when it's our time and the rest is all up in the air. 

If I love myself than I will surely have no problem being left with myself. I will have no problem spending time alone, to think and reflect. If I love myself I will surely have a much easier time loving others and that is my number one priority right now.

Love yourself and all will work out somehow just never forget how important and fragile your life is

Xx