the young adult blues

Lately, I've been overemotional, more self-conscious and more on edge than usual. I feel as though it's because of my age, if you're in your late teens and early twenties these are truly challenging times. They're confusing times, these are the years where we really just start to settle into ourselves. With 19-20 years behind us we finally get a glimpse, (even though it's usually little) of who we are, who those in our life really are and what we want to do with our lives. We're starting to get tired of shitty jobs with shitty pay, living at home is getting old and we're having a hard time deciding what it is we should really do career-wise. We see our friends true colors, some good and some bad. 

Twenty years is like a preview shot of our identity. This is why I don't feel comfortable going to college right now. I don't know what I want to do tomorrow or how I want to spend my weekend let alone for the rest of my life. And because of my indecisiveness, I don't feel comfortable or right allowing my parents to drop an upwards of say, a hundred and twenty grand on a college education for me stress and struggle with. I just don't feel okay with it. These are the years where I need to figure myself out, I need to learn how to support myself, love myself and be alright on my own. Within the next three to five years I would love to be emotionally stable, somewhat financially secure and nonetheless, happy or on the right road to happiness. 

I'm still figuring out what road to take, we really don't have an understanding of how long it takes to make that decision. It's not an easy thing and it shouldn't be made out to be easy. College is expensive, good jobs are hard to come by, nice people are even harder to come by. Life is just not the easiest thing, not for anybody in my opinion, it really takes some getting used to and it takes a lot of training and experience to learn how to handle yourself through not only hard times but good times too. 

All of these hard times though I feel are in preparation for the good ones. We can't allow ourselves to forget that. When you're feeling stuck at your parents home, learn to first appreciate that you even have that as an option (some people don't) and then secondly, remember things won't be like this forever. You're going to move out, you're going to figure out what you want to major in or what you want to do with your life because not everyone has to go to college for four years! You're going to find love, you're going to have a good job and if you take each lesson to heart and learn from them then you will be happy! Allow yourself time and don't pressure yourself, you never have to do what everyone else is doing.

Xx